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What Your Les Paul Says About You

Your guitar says a lot about your personality. When people see your guitar for the first time they formulate opinions about you almost immediately. Since I’m such a charming know-it-all, self-proclaimed internet expert, who has lots of free time I have figured out most of the clichés associated with the owners of one of my favorite guitars of all time. Oh yeah, this is all for laughs and I’m going to make fun of myself here as well. If you are one of those keyboard commando types get ready to fling some childish insults my way. You could also ask your mom if you can go outside and play for a while.

Here we go.

If you play an Epiphone Les Paul with a bolt on neck it means… I’m 11. Or it means… Thanks Grandma this is the best Christmas ever! If you can’t say either one of those two things it also means… please stage an intervention for me.

If you play an Epiphone Les Paul with a set neck it means… I can’t commit to a real Les Paul for financial reasons but for fashion reasons I can’t play a lower priced Gibson with a dull finish. It also means… Oh hey, I’m in a band. Or it means… Meh, this isn’t the guitar that I wanted but neither is this life so why start complaining now.

If you play an Epiphone Les Paul from Japan it means… These Japanese guitars are SO much better than the ones they were making in America at the same time. It also means…The sooner people understand that I am the Curt Cobain of this generation the better.

If you play a Les Paul Studio it means… I just don’t see the point of binding but if I can find someone to trade straight across for a Standard I would do it. Or it means…I’m 30 years old and I still ride my skateboard It also means… I steel other people’s wifi

If you play a Les Paul with P-90s it means… People ask me all the time if I can tell them how to get great tone

If you play A “Smartwood” Les Paul it means… I like to play my guitar at my yoga studio and while I’m washing my clothes in a river. It also means… I’m not a slave to corporate America. I totally appreciate the natural beauty for what it is. It also means… I’m sticking it to the man

If you play a 70’s Les Paul it means… Here’s my shitty business card for my shitty blues band. It also means… You should check out my band, the new stuff will blow you away, google us.

If you play an 80’s Les Paul it means… I’m really looking forward to having back surgery. It also means… can I get another beer, I’m in the band. If you play a weight relieved Les Paul it means… I just had back surgery. It also means… Hey man, can you come out to my show this Wednesday? It also means…you should really come to my show. It also means… can I get another beer, I’m in the band.

If you play a BFG Les Paul it means… I didn’t choose the thug life and it didn’t choose me either. It also means… I was going to join a gang but then I decided to build a tree house and start my own club. If you play a Les Paul with a Bigsby it means… I deliver things to people on my bike and I have a vintage camera. It also means… No, these glasses aren’t prescription. It also means… I love Neil Young but don’t really care about being in tune.